I could tell you horror stories from my childhood. Im guessing that these days, the majority of us could. I could be wrong, but I doubt any of us escaped childhood without scars from some sort of dysfunction. I will just say that I endured abuse.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. This left me with more pity for him than anger. He tried to the best of his ability to teach us good values. As is typical, his addiction and relative lack of social skills left him distant, unreliable, and angry. Our family situation left my mother depressed emotionally distant as well. I was the oldest of 6 children, and felt responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone. I am not looking for sympathy here. In fact, I am grateful for my experiences, as they have given me an empathetic perspective and determination. I did not enter adulthood without scars.
My fist marriage was ruined by my lack of self-love and trust issues. Then, the divorce, nearly killed me. I had sworn that my children would never have to endure divorce, but didn't know how to do anything different. The truth is that we only know what we live until we learn something new, and we either change or cave. The pain made me cave, and then change.
This changing will be a lifelong process, but I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears (except for what my family members are putting themselves through now). My second marriage is for the most part really good, but only because I can quickly recognize when the demons of my past are acting as opposed to my true self and work through it.
Although I have always recognized my severe insecurities of being less-than or unlovable, I had no idea how to actually change them. I turned to my Christian beliefs first. Trusting in Christ while also being open to new teachings and methodology that aligned with my beliefs offered hope.
If I were to share each of the things I have found to help me, I would have to write a book (maybe someday). Yoga, meditation, service, endurance athletic events, a business that helps me reach goals in every area, and loving 8 great children unconditionally have been helpful in my healing journey. My business which has to do with the Law of Attraction has taught me a lot about finding joy. Sometimes I wonder why I hadn't heard of these principles earlier. Maybe I wasn't really ready to implement them. It's interesting how life gives you things when it does.
The bottom line in getting out of my mind and into my spirit was quite simply the decision or acceptance to be happy. Yes, it sounds too simple. So, why so hard to implement? I think that we get some "peanut payoff" for being miserable. Like sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our offenders off the hook. Well, guess what? We didn't put them there. they did, and they'll have to get themselves off. Healing only takes a decision.
Gratitude. Yes, we can all be grateful for something on any given day, and probably in any given hour. If you start feeling sorry for yourself again, think of the approximately 5 billion people in this world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
This may sound as though I am judging anyone who has gone through horrible circumstances and is lost in depression or self-destruction. Remember I have been there. I know the pain. I know the necessary work to heal. My only hope is to help someone get there faster than me. Lets all stop wasting time and start living life the way it was meant. "Men are that they might have joy.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. This left me with more pity for him than anger. He tried to the best of his ability to teach us good values. As is typical, his addiction and relative lack of social skills left him distant, unreliable, and angry. Our family situation left my mother depressed emotionally distant as well. I was the oldest of 6 children, and felt responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone. I am not looking for sympathy here. In fact, I am grateful for my experiences, as they have given me an empathetic perspective and determination. I did not enter adulthood without scars.
My fist marriage was ruined by my lack of self-love and trust issues. Then, the divorce, nearly killed me. I had sworn that my children would never have to endure divorce, but didn't know how to do anything different. The truth is that we only know what we live until we learn something new, and we either change or cave. The pain made me cave, and then change.
This changing will be a lifelong process, but I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears (except for what my family members are putting themselves through now). My second marriage is for the most part really good, but only because I can quickly recognize when the demons of my past are acting as opposed to my true self and work through it.
Although I have always recognized my severe insecurities of being less-than or unlovable, I had no idea how to actually change them. I turned to my Christian beliefs first. Trusting in Christ while also being open to new teachings and methodology that aligned with my beliefs offered hope.
If I were to share each of the things I have found to help me, I would have to write a book (maybe someday). Yoga, meditation, service, endurance athletic events, a business that helps me reach goals in every area, and loving 8 great children unconditionally have been helpful in my healing journey. My business which has to do with the Law of Attraction has taught me a lot about finding joy. Sometimes I wonder why I hadn't heard of these principles earlier. Maybe I wasn't really ready to implement them. It's interesting how life gives you things when it does.
The bottom line in getting out of my mind and into my spirit was quite simply the decision or acceptance to be happy. Yes, it sounds too simple. So, why so hard to implement? I think that we get some "peanut payoff" for being miserable. Like sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our offenders off the hook. Well, guess what? We didn't put them there. they did, and they'll have to get themselves off. Healing only takes a decision.
Gratitude. Yes, we can all be grateful for something on any given day, and probably in any given hour. If you start feeling sorry for yourself again, think of the approximately 5 billion people in this world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
This may sound as though I am judging anyone who has gone through horrible circumstances and is lost in depression or self-destruction. Remember I have been there. I know the pain. I know the necessary work to heal. My only hope is to help someone get there faster than me. Lets all stop wasting time and start living life the way it was meant. "Men are that they might have joy.
About the Author:
Laurice is a mom of eight, business owner and business coach. Please click on the link to learnhow you can incorporate healing through a home business
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